Midget sex pt 2 tonight
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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