Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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