dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
