Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
