omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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