The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
