Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
