i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
