If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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