How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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