Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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