Me too!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
