My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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