It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
