so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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