We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
