wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
