I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
