so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
