i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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