You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
