Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
