i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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