I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everclear isn't food dammit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
