You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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