I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
