just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
