I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
