She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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