HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
