I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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