she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
