final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
