Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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