Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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