The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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