My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
