So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
