my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
