she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
