So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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