So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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