does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
