Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
