i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
