I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
