I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
