What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
