Swine flu. Run for my life!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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