left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
