Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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