they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
