Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
