so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
where does the pee come out of this thing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
