Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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