I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
