Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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