he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
