the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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