You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
