well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
