hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
