I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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