why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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