she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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