garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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