I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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