We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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