I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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