3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
